Tennessee Living

Eight years. It seems long and short at the same time.

My husband, Jim, and I recently celebrated our eighth year of marriage, which means we also celebrated our eighth year of farming here at Rocky Glade Farm. And as we mark this double anniversary, it’s occurred to me that farming and marriage have a lot in common. Both require hard work and, for the two of us, both have undergone many changes over the past eight years.

We have a very diverse farming operation here in the still somewhat rural part of Middle Tennessee. Our farm is home to cows, pigs, sheep, chickens, guardian dogs, many varieties of vegetables, and a barn cat or two from time to time.

When we moved to the Glade, our farm was a wildly overgrown and uncared-for piece of land. It had been more than 15 years since anyone had truly tended it and tried to make it a home. With the help of our friends and family, we mowed grass, cut trees, fixed lots of fences, cleaned the house, pulled up carpet and painted everything in sight plain white.

Over time it has become home, though I sometimes seriously doubted that it ever would. It was just too raw. It needed too much work.

But it amazes me how comfortably I now pass over the land in my comings and goings on the farm each day. I know this farm better than the back of my hand. I know how each gate latches and can remember when each improvement was made. Jim and I literally built this farm with our own two hands, tearing down buildings other people didn’t want in order to salvage materials to build sheds and barns that we did want. It is amazing what hard work and time can accomplish.

Jim and I are blessed that before either of us thought about love, we simply liked each other as friends. We met in 1996 at the Middle Tennessee State University dairy barn, where we were unknowingly paired together as milking partners three days a week at 3 o’clock in the morning. I promise, milking cows together in the early morning hours will make friends out of you before you even think about love.

Like the farm, our marriage has undergone many changes over the past eight years.

We started out rough, thinking that if the best times in your marriage occur during the “honeymoon period,” then we were in trouble! It was so hard to get two very independent people to rely on each other the way we needed to for our marriage to work.

Today, many things still challenge us as a couple, from our adventures in parenthood to the sometimes overwhelming amount of work involved in managing the farm. We get tired. Life happens. Getting things done sometimes takes precedence over paying attention to each other, intentional or not.

I’ve been thinking that marriage is a whole lot like our farm when we first found it. Over time, without care and effort, the relationship can become run-down. But with enough work you can make it a home. It can become a place you want to stay, a place where you want to grow.

It takes a whole lot of cutting down unrealistic expectations, painting and repainting the respect that you have for each other, and sowing lots of unconditional love and forgiveness.

I really like the one date on my calendar each year that reminds me how fortunate I am to have had the opportunity to say “I do” years ago. May God grant me the grace to work on my relationship with my best friend as much as He has granted me the ability to work with my best friend on the farm. 

Julie Vaughn

Julie Vaughn and her husband, Jim, live on Rocky Glade Farm in Eagleville with their son, Dylem. They specialize in organic vegetables and naturally raised meats, and sell their products directly from the farm or at the Franklin Farmer’s Market. Visit their Web site at rockygladefarm.com.

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Magazine:
Tennessee Home & Farm, Summer 2010 Edition Edition

Headline:
Marriage & Farming

Summary:
Eight years. It seems long and short at the same time.

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